he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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