I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
