Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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