look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize