im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
