I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
