I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
They took my balls.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
