Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
my liver is dry heaving
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
