Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
