he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
