Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I will pee on everything he values.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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