ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
