i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
