i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
