Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
