The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
