If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
