did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
