In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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