? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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