Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
