just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
