Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
