My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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