i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
