just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
