I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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