was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
