hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
