dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
