So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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