Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
