Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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