Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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