I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
