we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
