Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
