haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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