she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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