I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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