My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
