you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
