3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
