Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize