If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
