i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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