How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize