when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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