Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
