That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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