Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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