i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
