I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
