All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
