Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
