Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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