I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
should my penis look like a turkey
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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