shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize