My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
