Me too!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
