Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
