Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Randomize
