so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
