I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Shame - the story of my life.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
