I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
