Moan for me like Helen Keller
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
