Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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