Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
