3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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