Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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