I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize