You're so nebulous sometimes
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize