Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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