I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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